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@wexxplore / via Instagram and Alison Li / Staff Illustrator

As the semester winds down, many students (especially sophomores) will feel concern creeping into their thoughts: What the hell are you going to major in?

To be fair, this isn’t your fault. (Well, this isn’t completely your fault). Many departments don’t do a great job of advertising their majors, and it can be hard to get excited about psych/comp sci/anthro when the only thing you know about the subject comes from your 200-person lecture and a jaded senior you talked to once. Figuring out which major is right for you can be a daunting experience.

However, have no fear, youngling! As always, Spectrum is here to help you out! Introducing: Advertisements for the Undecided.

Sociology

The world may be fucked, but it’s somebody’s job to figure out just how fucked it is and what has contributed to the fuckery. That is the job of a sociologist.

If you’re looking forward to understanding the ways of the world and why it doesn’t give a shit about you specifically—all the while learning about topics such as social networks and sexual deviance—then congratulations on finding your major! Get excited for a pessimistic life outlook!

Computer Science

Here’s a quick crash course: C++ isn’t a grade, and Java doesn’t mean coffee. If you understand those terms, and also know that “GitHub” isn’t some obscure European insult, computer science may be the route for you.

Prepare yourself to blankly stare at a computer screen for a few hours before getting hit with some stroke of genius—only to have thirty lines of bugs (if you’re lucky). But for real, tech jobs will probably always exist. Someone needs to program the robots that are taking all of the other jobs in the world.

English

If the sentence “Well, technically, ‘Frankenstein’ was the name of the doctor, not the monster” resonates with you, then English might be your calling. Get lost in the poetry of Dickinson, the genius of Twain, the oven of Plath, and the prompts of the four essays you need to write each week. You’re most likely fluent in English if you’re reading this, so you’re off to a good start!

Economics

While it’s true that there are tons of opportunities for economics majors (ranging from nonprofit work to research positions), it’s hard to pass up the dinero companies (*cough cough* Goldman Sachs *cough*) of every summer intern’s dream. Be prepared to cry over econometrics while fantasies of positive cash flow keep you warm during the cold, cold problem sets.

Chemistry

If you were inspired to start your career in chemistry by Breaking Bad, you’ve probably come to the wrong place. However, if this song about Dmitri Mendeleev (the creator of the Periodic Table) doesn’t inspire you to learn how molecules work, nothing will. So mix up some elements on the same campus that brought you the atomic bomb, and be prepared to drop some f-bombs while studying for orgo (jokes, you’ll probably go to orgo night instead).

None of these majors tickling your fancy? Thankfully, you have over 70 majors and concentrations to choose from. Worst comes to worst, close your eyes and point somewhere on the screen.

Still undecided about your major? Have these beautiful illustrations convinced you to find your calling? Comment down below, Tweet, or Snapchat us @CUSpectrum to share your thoughts.

Miles Greenspoon is a Spectrum staff writer and a GS/JTS junior. He’s an American studies major, and will passionately defend his choice of the best major to anyone who asks. Reach him at miles.greenspoon@columbiaspectator.com, or @mileshasjokes.

All illustrations by Alison Li / Staff Illustrator.
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