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Tired of listening to the same ol’ music as you walk to class? Maybe you don’t even listen to music—you’re a speech kinda fella. Have you been frantically searching for something new to listen to?

Have no fear, Spectrum is here to tell you the best podcasts to serenade your tender eardrums. Whether you’re trying to learn something new or wanting to get scared out of your socks, we have the best suggestions for you.

Make the most out of your sluggish walk to class by downloading one of these bad boys onto your phone. Best of all, it’ll wake you up on your way to class so you won’t walk into class looking like trash.

Comedy: “My Dad Wrote a Porno”

Imagine if your dad wrote a porno. Now imagine reading his phallic fantasies with your best friends. That’s what narrator Jamie Morton did in this podcast.

Liven up your morning walk to class by listening to Jamie tragically read his dad’s sexual fantasies. Alternatively, cheer yourself up after a rough day of class by listening to lines such as: “Belinda stroked Bella’s ass in appreciation.” Be sure to envision your dad seductively saying that to get the full effect.

“My Dad Wrote a Porno” is a weekly podcast that’s about 30-45 minutes in length. There are about 30 episodes so far, but the podcast is currently on hiatus as it waits for the third book to come out (yes, his dad is making this a trilogy). Listen to the first episode down below, or click here.

Rating: (The shock of accidentally walking in on your roommate having sex.)

Horror: “The Black Tapes”

Love horror? Can’t get enough ghost stories and enigmatic legends? Need to get your heart pumping without (gross) exercising? Then “The Black Tapes” is the podcast for your morning routine.

The podcast tells the story of journalist Alex Reagan’s search for the truth behind her subject’s mysterious past. It also illustrates the literal and figurative ghosts that haunt them both. *shivers* Make sure you listen to this during the day; otherwise you’ll think Alma is possessed and out to get you.

“The Black Tapes” is currently on hiatus, but there are 24 chilling episodes already at your disposal to binge-listen. Each episode is about 30-45 minutes in length. You’ll be able to finish an episode in those walks to and from class throughout the day, checking over your shoulder each time for one of our undead friends. Listen to the first episode down below, or click here.

Rating: (The horrified calls to mom after you bomb your first midterm.)

Sci-Fi: “Welcome to Night Vale”

If you want something to distract you from the beautifully tragic life, “Welcome to Night Vale” is the perfect podcast. The podcast shares the wild news of Night Vale, a town whose normal day includes levitating cats and invisible clock towers.

Each episode is about 20-30 minutes in length, but each news report is about five minutes (the perfect walking-to-class length). Besides, who needs to worry about a physics midterm when a PTA meeting has opened a rift in spacetime? (Yes, that’s an actual plot point.)

“Welcome to Night Vale” airs every other Tuesday. Currently, there are 98 episodes, so you have quite a bit of binge-listening to do before the next episode comes out (in two weeks)! Listen to the first episode down below, or click here.

Rating: (When you see shit on the exam that you definitely didn’t learn.)

Non-Fiction: “Serial”

Love murder-mystery dramas? Are you fascinated by jury trials? Want to be part of an audio game changer? Lived under a rock for a very, very long time? Then “Serial” could be your next favorite podcast.

In Season 1, narrator Sarah Koenig takes us through the murder of Hae Min Lee. She provides evidence both discussed and not discussed during the actual trial, and even has commentary from the (possibly) wrongly accused murderer, Adnan Masud Syed. Fun fact: Since airing, a judge has ordered a new trial which could possibly release Adnan from prison.

Season 2 focuses on Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl, who was held captive by the Taliban for five years. Podcasts air every other Thursday, but the show is currently on hiatus. There are 23 episodes so far, and each is about 30-60 minutes long.

It might take awhile to get through if you only listen on your way to class. However, listening to it will definitely get your mind pumping before heading to class. Be careful though—you’ll be addicted quickly. Before you know it, you’ll be focusing on solving a murder rather than finishing your final papers. Listen to the first episode below, or click here.

Episode 01: The Alibi

Rating: (When class actually gets interesting and you finally start paying attention.)

History: “Lore”

This one again is for all you horror story fanatics, but also for all you history junkies, “Lore” focuses more on the actual legends behind life’s horrors. No, we’re not talking about finals; we mean vampires and asylums and devils (oh my!).

The podcast airs every other Monday and talks about a new legend in each episode. There are 47 episodes so far; they’re 20-40 minutes in length.

You might feel some creepy chills as you walk to class, but at least you’ll learn something new before you even start your day. That makes you more accomplished than the average Barnumbian. Congrats! Listen to the first episode below, or click here.

Episode 1: They Made a Tonic - Lore

Rating: (Walking into a Beta party: confused, stressed, and intrigued.)

So there you have it. The five best podcasts to listen to on your walk to class. Whether you’re listening at 8 a.m. or 4 p.m., these will keep you entertained for the everlasting five-minute trek to class.

Got any more podcast suggestions to tickle your pickle? Comment down below, Facebook message us, Snapchat us, or Tweet us @CUSpectrum to send us your suggestions.

Huber Gonzalez is a Columbia College sophomore and Spectrum’s associate editor in charge of user-generated content. He loves podcasts and will listen to any, especially ones about dads writing pornos. Reach him at huber.gonzalez@columbiaspectator.com to tell him to get a life.

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