For the first time in 16 years, the Lions have won a Homecoming game. If you’ve been keeping up with Spectrum these past few weeks or so (i.e. listening to our apathetic Homecoming Pregame Playlist, reading up on our Homecoming how-tos, and/or even wanting to know how to Homecome (?) as a sport virgin), you’ll know that we considered winning to be an impossibility.
Yet somehow the Columbia Lions managed to best Dartmouth 9-7 this Saturday afternoon.
The unexpected win has catalysed newfound hope amongst Lions throughout the land—or at least the MoHi bubble. With our egos raised and confidence soaring, there’s no feat we cannot thwart. It feels as though anything’s possible. Even these 16 things may very well happen to us now that we’ve broken our 16-year losing streak.
1. We’ll develop a rivalry with Dartmouth that’ll be even more infamous than the Harvard-Yale one.
Yale Athletics, The Harvard Crimson, and File Photo
2. We’re already decent at basketball, fencing, etc, but now that we can officially add football to that exclusive list, dare I say we’ll become the best at all sports in the whole Ivy League.
Us too, bub. Us too.
3. As if we needed more CU emojis to add to our expansive collection, PrezBo will direct all money collected on Giving Day 2016 to developing a sports-themed set.
4. Inspired by our new athletic ~abilities~ and ~prowess~, we’ll actually climb the stairs in Hamilton instead of waiting for the elevator.
“Gotta work these leg muscles man. I used to think that climbing from floor two to four was such a hike, but my endurance has def increased.”
5. They’ll also feel more inclined to go to the gym, meaning the treadmill queue at Dodge will be longer than ever.
6. When prospies talk about us on College Confidential, we’ll finally be more than our NYC location.
Then: From a College Confidential thread titled “The Cult of Ivy League Personalities”
Now: Again from the “The Cult of Ivy League Personalities”
That red bit is going to be REAL for this incoming class.
7. Inspired by the prospect of athletic superiority, Ferris will serve protein shakes on the daily.
“This vanilla protein tastes vaguely like the floors of JJ’s, but whatever works man.”
8. Now that we’re technically a “sports school,” the Manhattanville expansion will extend all the way to Baker’s Field at 219th. Gotta be close to our athletic complex.
9. In place of the ugly, bullied Moore statue, they’ll put a memorial to the winning team outside of Butler instead.
“The Team,” 2016. Sizing is to scale.
Kiera Wood / Senior Staff Photographer, jwang0503/ via Instagram
10. Wanting to get in on this popularity boost, the Marching Band will take some credit for the win, meaning that Orgo Night will be even more crowded than it has been in the past.
For some context, people were climbing up onto the bookshelves and window sills of Butler 209 last spring. Public safety shooed them down. This time ‘round, they’ll be unable to control the masses.
11. Yet another Snapchat story will pop up: Ivy League Sports. We’re the only ones featured because we’re that good.
12. No longer ashamed of his Alma Mater, President Obama will come back to CU once his term is up.
13. We’ll finally get an updated fight song, one that doesn’t mention “Knickerbockers.”
It’s just a touch embarrassing, tbh.
14. Wanting to get in shape so he can be more like his undergrad football players, PrezBo will surrender his Audi and walk everywhere.
“I’m going for tone, not bulk, Deantini.”
15. Wanting to commemorate Dodge Gym, the center of all sport holiness, Columbia will rename Dodge Hall so the two no longer have jiving names.
16. We’ll win every single football game for the rest of the season.
Columbia just won on Homecoming. We are now officially a football power house— Shane Brett-???????? (@shanebrett826) October 22, 2016
Veronica Grace Taleon is Spectrum’s deputy editor and a Barnard sophomore. She was one of the many people who assumed that Columbia would lose today, but she doesn't know much about football so you could probably call it a blind, bandwagoning prediction. Reach her at firstname.lastname@example.org.