Party, The Democratic
b. 1794, d. Feb. 12th, 2005
The Democratic Party, age 211, of Washington, D.C., died Saturday, February 12, 2005 in a local Washington, D.C. ballroom surrounded by its closest friends and family. The party caught a bout of dementia and schizophrenia during the first socialist outbreak of the 1930s, and long years of suffering followed. The Democratic Party’s passing was a protracted, painstaking, and heartbreaking ordeal. The coroner’s report indicates an irreparable decline in condition upon switching doctors; the official cause of death: malpractice. The Party’s descendents have hired now-available trial lawyer John Edwards to file an injunction against Dr. Dean. The suit alleges Dr. Dean’s abstract new-age medical practices were out of touch with the community. According to reports, the Party’s last words were a hodgepodge of Bush-bashes, Marxist quotes, and a startling, nay, psychotic scream as life left its body. Funeral arrangements are being handled by Terry McAuliffe; as such, some progress should be expected within 10 to 15 years. Services will be held in various metropolitan cities, Ivy League universities, and the Northeast. The Democratic Party is survived by various family factions: The Jacobins; Senators Boxer and Kennedy and former President Carter; the Socialists; Senators Clinton and Kerry; the Know-Nothings; former Klansman Senator Byrd and the Reverend Al “family spokesman” Sharpton; his Prodigal Son, former president Clinton as well as his illegitimate children; Joe Lieberman and Zell Miller.
The election of Howard Dean as Democratic Party Chairman makes the party’s transition to the underworld both markedly clear and undeniable. The Democrats have turned to far-left socialism and will not turn back. Although a surprise to many, those of us who oppose this socialist creep are, outside the walls of Columbia, the majority.
Some 40 years ago, Ronald Reagan made the same observation at the height of the failed “War on Poverty.” He cited a depression-era politician, “Mr. Democrat” himself, Al Smith, who, “came before the American people and charged that the leadership of his party was taking the party of Jefferson, Jackson, and Cleveland down the road under the banners of Marx, Lenin, and Stalin. And he walked away from his party, and he never returned until the day he died—because to this day, the leadership [is taking that] honorable party down the road in the image of the labor Socialist Party of England.” The Democrats cannot and will not win any election outside of San Francisco and Vermont until they make a concerted effort to change, to truly make a move to the center and not just take radical liberals and rewrite their careers. Democrats and Republicans alike must admit, Dean is not the man to accomplish this. Dean may be able to raise money from his base of ideological cohorts, but as we all saw in Iowa (a sad finish in third), he cannot even connect with his own party—never mind American voters. As the leader and spokesman of a party in shambles, Dean will continue to push left, issue press blackouts and make idiotic comments (apparently in Dean’s world everyone in the South drives pickups and all minorities work as hotel staff) and in doing so, further ruin an organization established long ago to actually protect man’s rights from an overbearing state.