Staring each other down directly across Broadway, the brand-new Five Guys and the year-old Mel's both claim to serve up the best burger in Morningside Heights. As Spectrum’s resident fatass, I have been itching to force these two hamburgalicious heavy-hitters into a heart-disease-hatching head-to-head for hella long. Today, I can finally scratch that itch.
Let me tell you first a little about my credentials. Ever since my first burger in America as a small nerdy-looking immigrant child, I have known that I was destined to become a burger taster. Since, I’ve tried thousands—triangle patties, yak patties, bunless patties, you name it. I’ve sampled it all and enjoyed every fat droplet; savored every lipid and licked every sodium-encrusted sauce globlet off of every single used wrapper. Yes, I am a a pig. But I am also uniquely qualified for this article.
