You are sexually/ intellectually/fervently attracted to him/her. You have made eye contact/secretly read their posts on CourseWorks. Once, you talked about Antichrist/Melancholia. Last Thursday at 3 a.m. you awkwardly exchanged numbers. But Thanksgiving/Christmukkah is fast approaching. Changing your relationship status before you get home is crucial. You are ready to make a move, but you know that there is a fine line between creepy and creative. Don’t worry, you have a lot of technology at your disposal. These are your options:
THE FACEBOOK POKE
After fifth grade, you lose the opportunity to do two things: poke people you think are super cute and use the monkey bars. Thanks to Mark Zuckerberg, it is still theoretically feasible that you could get around the former, despite its, uh, total social stigma. Which is exactly why you should use it. It isn’t like you’re actually trying to connect with someone over the internet. You are making a joke. Like “Haha the Facebook poke, who does this?!” Not only are you showing that you care, you’re making the subtle suggestion that you are cool enough to have internalized the algorithm of Facebook and flirted with it.
THE PHONE CALL
Oh I know, people who don’t know each other don’t talk on the phone. But they should. How freaked out, but secretly delighted, would you be if someone actually had the balls to talk to you before you were wasted and embarrassing yourself at 1020’s trivia night?
SEXTING/TWIXTING/SKYPE SEX/PHONE SEX
Being a Columbia Dem does not make you a politician. The intellectual (and somewhat sexual) power you think you have over the freshman in Mock Trial is not real. The truth is, being a leader of tomorrow means being a loser today. Don’t do it.
