What's the one school supply too many Columbia students lack? A stapler. Unfortunately, the number of working staplers on campus available for public use is, give or take a few, three. If you aren't lucky enough to find one of them before class, it's time to try an awkward and demoralizing alternative to stapling.
1. Tape
Affixing your papers with scotch tape is a charming way to remind your section leader that you don't take life too seriously. An elegant panacea to all academic problems, nothing says "I-combine-intellectual-fortitude-with-the-refreshing-whimsy-of-a-kindergartener" with quite the same panache. Write your headings in bubble letters too, just to be extra endearing.
If you're not adorable enough to pull this off, just let your section leader know that you're taping your homework ironically.
