Dear Bret Stephens,
Thank you for your non-congratulations to the members of the class of 2012. Since you asked me to, I will indeed spare you self-pity about graduating. And I will tell you why I can spare you:
You wrote that we will be moving in with our parents after graduation. You wrote, based on an experience you once had giving one (1) interview, that knowledge counts, and we, the Class of 2012, don't even know who the President of the United States was in 1956. You wrote that we're in worse shape than our peers "in places like Ireland, France, India and Spain," where people speak several languages---"Unlike you," you wrote. You wrote that our resumés are endless advertisements for ourselves with things like "internships" and "school papers" (I think you and I may have a different opinion of what a CV is, but I digress). You wrote that our "generation has an especially bad case" of comforming "because your mass conformism is masked by the appearance of mass nonconformism."
Here is what I have to write to you:
