It's late. You're up. The Emmy's are finally over, so your only form of procrastination is reading this post. Hooray! Here's the news.
Actual news
A call for peace: Dictator of Iran/Columbia dropout Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke out against the violence enveloping the Middle East today, saying, "... We do not like anyone losing their lives or being killed for any reason, anywhere in the world." He then added, "Now if you will excuse me I have to get back to building nuclear weapons so that I can wipe Israel from the map."
8 lives left:The Bronx Zoo decided that their tiger habitat did not need additional security measures despite the recent mauling of a man who jumped into the cats' enclosure. Sources say this decision was motivated by the fact that if someone isn't deterred by a pit of ferocious tigers, there's really not much else they can do.
Sad Panda: A giant panda cub was found dead today at the national zoo. Zoo officials were especially sad since this totally gives away the punchline to the joke “what’s black and white and dead all over”
Electric ride: Electric car enthusiasts celebrated “National plug-in day” today to commemorate the increasing popularity of cars such as the Chevy Volt. A big party was planned to mark the event, but attendance was low due to the fact that, for most people, the party was taking place more than 45 miles from their homes.
