This morning, Dean Awn sent out this email, which not only wishes a Happy Thanksgiving, but more importantly disparages Brooklyn.
Dear Students,
Now that the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel has reopened, huge flocks of our native bird have begun to waddle their way across the wasteland of Brooklyn and through the tunnel, in search of Manhattan’s lustrous shores. Our avian friends have only one purpose, to sacrifice themselves on the altar of Fortuna, Goddess of Good Luck. As they rush through the tunnel, clawing and crushing one another, some desperately struggle to fly, but, hélas, their mental acumen is so diminished that one wing never coordinates with the other. Gobble, gobble. Squish, squish. Splat. Finis.
