Harvard students attend workshop on how to relate to non-Harvard students

It's late. You're up. What's going on at Harvard tonight?

Check your privilege: "How do I talk about Harvard at home? Will my friends and family think I've changed? Will I still fit in? This workshop provides an opportunity to describe and explore your experiences and questions as you anticipate going home." Pro-tip for Harvard students: Best way to ensure normal conversations with your friends is to mention having attended this workshop.

Check your grammar: One Harvard student only listens to foreign music, because English-language music has abused him: "Such mainstays as 'I Will Always Love You,' 'At Last,' and 'My Heart Will Go On' shake me with revulsion." Shaken Harvard Student Syndrome is no laughing matter. We trust this has been reported to the proper authorities.

Check under your door: Last week, a bunch of Harvard students received invitations to an exclusive campus club. How exclusive is it? The invitation says "Jews need not apply." And it goes on to add, "Seriously, no fucking Jews."

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