New York Burger Part I: Bigger Isn’t Always Better

In my time here in New York, I have been longing to find a cultural and culinary equivalent to the California burger chain In-N-Out. This restaurant has become not just the site of affordable and delicious food but also of regional character—sunshine and beach days.

So, with rain and snow coming down in New York, I went on a quest to find a burger that defined the culture and cuisine of the city—with equally excellent taste and personality. With my friend Greg, a former New York native, at my side, I ventured to the Upper East Side, searching for the definition of “East Coast” in a hamburger.

We started out at Jackson Hole, 1611 2nd Ave. at 83rd Street, which has the quintessential diner atmosphere, consisting of older solitary customers and waiters who don’t believe their job requires them to speak. The restaurant prides itself on serving 7 oz. burgers that are so massive they have to grill them in special silver molds just to keep them intact.

The size of the burgers, unfortunately, doesn’t make up for how bland they taste. The fries they serve are almost exactly like the ones at Tom’s, which, in my opinion, is not a good thing. All in all, if you’re ever craving large portions of greasy food, Koronet is a closer and tastier option.

We moved from the blue-collar diner to the white-collar P.J. Clarke’s, 915 3rd Ave at 55th Street. To get to the dining section in the back of the restaurant you have to walk through a bar packed with yuppies in collared shirts listening to the Rolling Stones on the jukebox. The back room is much more spacious and well-lit, though you can still hear the sounds of “Start Me Up” creeping in.

Maybe it was the rock music or the testosterone-fueled conversations about sports and stocks, but I downed my meat fast enough to barely notice that it tasted like an upgraded fast-food burger. The real highlight was the fries, which were thin, golden, and perfectly salted. I savored them a little more slowly than the burger, while thinking about the double negative in “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction.” At the end of the night, the restaurant provided little more than a decent meal with the opportunity to intermingle with 30-somethings from the corporate sector.

After exiting the lively atmosphere of P.J. Clarke’s, we entered the soulless interior of Wrap-N-Run, 1125 Lexington Ave. at 78th Street, composed of fluorescent lights and white, disinfected countertops. In what I can only assume is an effort to counter how bland their restaurant looks, they serve a variety of burgers and sandwiches with names like King Claw and Mexican Fisherman. The originality of the names don’t apply to the food itself, as the burgers and fries tasted dull and unspectacular. Fortunately, the service is blazing fast and the waiters working there have a bit more personality than their surroundings.

Our final destination, J.G. Melon, 1291 3rd Ave. at 74th Street, doesn’t feel like a burger joint. With its old-fashioned decor and middle-aged regulars drinking gin at the bar, it didn’t seem like I would find the best burger in my quest here. But there it was, in all of its thick, juicy glory.

Be sure to ask for extra napkins, because your hands are going to get soaked. The greasy mess of the burgers is nicely contrasted with the clientele who, in their expensive sweaters, don’t seem like people who like to get dirty. The only regret I had came at the end of the meal when I got the $12 check. Good food always has its price in Manhattan, and J.G. Melon is no exception.

While I will always miss my In-N-Out, the restaurants on the Upper East Side have their own unique takes on the standard burger and fries. Amid the diversity of the city, it may be impossible to find one great chain—it is only through an equally diverse range of burger restaurants that one can find contentment. Such is the culture of New York.