Let’s face it—most of us suck at Twitter. It takes a long time to develop a personal #style, and between studying for midterms, trolling the comment section of your favorite student publication, and commuting to NoCo, there’s hardly enough hours in the day to crank out a decently snarky #ourblue tweet. That’s why we’ve compiled this list of foolproof tips to improve your Twitter game and generally make you feel cool. Fake it till you make it.
Compose tweets in the second person to absolve related parties. Choose quality over quantity when it comes to emojis (e.g. if you’re doing multiple heart-eyed cat emojis per tweet, consider this your formal invitation to GTFO).
Tweet a lot about smoking cigarettes because everyone knows smoking cigarettes makes you cool.
The only acceptable Columbia location tags on Twitter are Butler 209, the Harlem IHOP, and Mel’s (ironically).
Before you tweet, ask yourself if this tweet is something a 10-year-old would think. If the answer is yes, congrats! You’re officially normcore.
Subtweet constantly, but so vaguely that no one can call you out on it.
Take the FDR a lot. It's great Twitter material. This is also a life tip.
Decontextualized rap lyrics can be poetry.
Punctuation is a waste of a character.
Tweet black-and-white photos of your ancestors.
Constantly changing your Twitter handle is a great way to keep your #content #relevant.
Spend an unreasonable amount of time wondering who operates the @1020tip, @heightsny, @hamiltondeli, and @taqueriayfonda handles.
Tweet your dreams as soon as you wake up so you don't forget them.
Multilingual hashtags will make you seem smart but approachable.
Just tweet Blink-182 lyrics.
Tweet selfies—you only live once, and besides, if you’ve been following these tips you’ll never be elected president anyway.
Don't @ me.