Humor

Jesus at Columbia

Jesus was an interesting figure in the sense that we know a lot about his birth, and a lot about the end of his life, but in between we got nothin’. What was he like as a 21-year-old? What if he had gone to Columbia? In honor of Christmastime, we look to the Gospels for what Jesus would have been like as an undergrad in MoHi. Go Lions, beat Lambs!

He lived in EC His senior year.
Matthew 4:1: “Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.”

He worried about finals, just like the rest of us.
Luke 22:44: “And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.”

He was invited to every party. Ever.
John 2: Jesus changes water into wine.

His application to Columbia Law was rejected. Apparently his entrance essays proved he wasn’t a “good fit.”
Matthew 5:39-40: “Jesus said, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek as well. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.”

He was a regular at HamDel.
Matthew 9:11: “When the Pharisees saw this, they asked [Christ’s] disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?’”

He was—classic Columbia—a little bit of an overachiever.
John 21:25: “Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.”

He was a serious asset to the crew team.
Matthew 8:26: “Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, ‘What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!’”

He once made the mistake of trying Ferris mac ’n’ cheese.
John 11:35: “Jesus wept.”

 

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