Have you seen this kid? He’s eternally posing for a Snapchat in the dark of 1020 and once at a party he swore to you that LCD Soundsystem changed his life or something but could only name three songs. First-years, take heed: Absurd amalgamations of this figure will haunt your next four years. Don’t worry, hipsters are harmless—the biggest fight you’ll get in is a verbal joust over “Girls” (ugh). Alma Mater, these are your children.