Our customary Orgo Night live blog begins shortly. From Greek life's second home, also known as Butler 209, we bring you your pre-finals dose of CUMB. This is angsty Opinion deputy and disaffected Spec cartoonist Karl Daum with Spectrum editor Mihika Barua, self-importing band critic Ben Rimland and self-described "pretty English girl with a chip on her shoulder and a score to settle", Katie McMahon. Check out the livestream below, and here on YouTube.
12:47 Good luck with finals everyone - remember: the answer is "c."
12:46 And with that, we're out and headed to a cold shower and warm pancakes. Not in that order. (Side note: Ben had a dream the other night in which he wiped away a girl's tears with a pancake).
12:44 Mihika complains about the large butt next to the spec station. Things have really gotten to the "bottom" (lol) #startedatthebottomnowweatspec
12:42 The latest musical installment is "Leavin' on a Prayer", to honor Dean Martinez who "was so good Columbia is replacing her with nobody." The room seems to be getting somewhat less packed, as we can smell real air again. (Aside: What does air smell like?)
12:39 With the joke about Dining Services' "anti-discrimination brownies", Karl says he is "basically writing Orgo Night." See more of Karl's spelling errors here. #NotShamelessSelfPromotion
12:38:30 "Fuck me sideways" - Karl
12:38 Band says "sexual assault" and the whole room groans in anticipation for the tasteless jokes that must ensue. (I made like 6 spelling errors typing this out - Karl)
12:35 They're playing the game of thrones theme, which makes me think of Daenerys' boobs -Ben
12:35.5 Yo it's my windpipe, who wants water to soothe their windpipe? -Karl
12:35 Tensions are rising among the livebloggers – Karl Daum angrily swats down Mihika's offer of water to calm his burning throat.
12:34 "It's like a major car accident – you can't look away and you hope only Republicans were involved"
12:33 Major G (Ben Rimland) wishes that the band would add more reverb to their production.
12:32 "For the ten of you who aren't lying, I'm sure that your roommate appreciated your support" - with reference to those who voted in the student council elections. "Still, so many people maintained their positions it was like an orgy at Pompeii."
12:29 And we're recounting all X-rated campus scandals now. Analogy to the "Duke porn star who, like Duke, is easy to get in to and full of dicks."
12:28 Someone just opened a window. More relieved than when I found out half my lit hum final (the bad half) wouldn't count last year - Karl
12:27 Apparently spec is only good for Linkedin clout and facebook likes... and pornhub upfists (of which I received 5 last night so take that CUMB -Karl)
12:25 Now it's getting personal: "The Columbia Daily Spectator is now a name that's as misleading as Columbia Advising." And our hearts all simultaneously break as "It's a blow to paper mache artists everywhere."
12:24 Time for the athlete jokes: "The football team stopped playing in the 80s." Oh never mind they're going at musical theater as well: "The V-Show stopped being funny in 1994."
12:22 And the Planned Parenthood jibes continue, as the band segues into "A Handjob in and Under a Robe" - at least that's what we think it's called.
12:21 It REALLY smells in here. More than a packed train in Mumbai rush hour. - Mihika
12:20 "Luckily pro-life Barnardians sought to terminate the speaker before she arrived"
12:18 *****CONTROVERSY ALERT****** "Barnard's Class Day speaker is as slippery as a puddle of fetuses. The president of Planned Parenthood is a majority shareholder in the Burlington Coat-hanger Factory."
12:16 Something something spec op-eds and redundant arguments. "talk about redundant criticisms" - Karl
12:16 Still can't find my mom-Karl
12:15 "All banner's deserve the right to be well hung" - amen
12:14 Major G (Ben Rimland) is happy to recommend a great "post avant azerbaijani jazzcore" album
12:13 Hatin' on halal: "Which one has higher quality rats over rice?" Ben says the one at 115th.
12:11 Someone close to the Spec liveblog station ate curry this morning. - Ben. Mihika immediately rejects to racist microaggression.
12:08 The band now plays "I Knew You Were Trouble (When You Walked in with a Sombrero.)
12:07 "As with a pus-filled genital wart, Theta quickly tried to cover up this blemish with.. philanthropy." 209 may not be Greek life's second home anymore. "But making out with a Guatemalan exchange student doesn't count as community outreach."
12:06 Have you seen my mom? - Karl
12:05 And another barb at Theta as "JAPs dressing as Japs." Ooh, burn. #ThrowbackTheta #ThetaGate
12:04 And we have our first politically incorrect joke: "The failed South Korean swim test." And "Cultural appropriation is all the rage," with reference to this semester's scandal at "Casa Alpha Theta that found itself in agua caliente."
12:03 The customary "Barnard girls use vibrators" joke. Also GS turn off your hearing aids so the buzz of sexual frustration doesn't drown out CUMB's jokes
12:00 Two cops yell at those damn punks sittin up in the windows. Rest safe and sleep well Columbia, public safety's got your back.
11:59 The band marches in, interrupting a raucous "USA" chant. Everyone starts singing Columbia's own patriotic national anthem, "Roar Lion Roar." The school spirit still isn't enough to start a third world war.
11:53 Butler 209 smells like sweat and frustration. The anticipation is palpable, it tastes a bit salty and sad too.